Horse Heaven

I have no idea if we dream before we are born, but if I did, I am positive that I dreamt of horses. I may not have ever seen one before, but God must have described them to me while I laid there listening to my mom's stomach growling. I can't remember one single day in my life that I haven't had a thought about horses.

As I grew I began to beg my parents for a horse. "NO!" was always the answer and I simply could not understand how anyone possessing a sane mind could say no to such a beautiful creature...to the smell of their breathe and the hay and leather and the outdoors...to the feeling of running full speed ahead or laying on their backs as they graze in the sun and listen to the birds. I think my parents had a temporary loss of their minds as they were trying to raise this little hand full.

They did however, send me to horse camp...and they sent me a lot. This served two purposes...1. to get me to shut up and 2. to get me to shut up.

I eventually began teaching children to ride and no matter how much time I spent on the farm it was never enough.

If you have been reading the blog for a while you know that I now have a horse of my own. She's beautiful. She had a baby last June. I go to see her every day and it's one of the hardest aspects of cancer for me because I can't ride her...just a sec...I need a tissue...

Sometimes I drive to the pasture and I can't even get out of the car, even if my knees feel ok, because when I get close to her and smell her winter coat and look in her eyes, my heart literally falls out of my body and I have to pick it up and pick all the hay off of it and put it back in my chest.

The doctor is the mean mean man who said that I can't ride. Actually I think he has a different motivation but it's the same answer every time..."No". His reason is that my spine will compress with every little bump and if I fall off I am "toast"...that was the exact word he used..."toast". Ooohhh my aching heart.

When I get to Heaven you won't be seeing me for a while....it's not that I won't be excited to see you, or my grandmas and grandpa or Jane Austen...it's just that I will be horseback riding for a while...possibly days...or maybe years...but I will come see you when I am done.