Sometimes I am speechless

To understand this blog entry you will have to go back and read my entry about the dragonfly.

It's about 1:30 pm and I am in the check out line at Michael's craft store.
There is a older woman in front of me...she stood there with her back to me for a minute.... suddenly she turned around...."Do you need this dragonfly?" she asks....
"Yes I do" I reply as she hands me a dragonfly paper punch and turns back around.

I turned to tell my friend Traci who had just joined me in the line and when I turned back around she was gone. Maybe she went to the car, maybe she went to the bathroom....maybe..............

I am speechless.

Just glad to be here!

Life in a northern town.....hey ma ma ma ma ma

This is a picture of my little town, the day after my Dr's appointment, the day I am celebrating my birthday with my family and the the day that approximatley
10,452,873,591 motorcycles arrive here for the annual Oyster Run.
It is a sight to behold. I have always wanted to ride on a motorcycle. I did it once years and years and years ago...but I don't think I really appreciated it...I was too busy thinking of ground up flesh and head cracking.

I don't believe I would think that any more. I would think of flying and the wind in my hair...uhhh my face...and freedom from the unpleasantness of being another year closer to...eh uh cough cough 50...it would be a teeny tiny escape from cancer.
I think a motorcycle ride would be healing....I think it might kill cancer cells...I am now officially volunteering for medical testing based on this theory.
Zoom Zoom..........

Scan, poke, appointment, status, poke poke poke

Tomorrow I have another chest CT scan scheduled for 10 am. The doctor is again going to measure the fluid in my lung cavity to make sure the medicine is still working.
This is the fastest way to determine the drug's effectiveness evidently.

Then it is off to do lab work, then to talk to the Dr about the scan and the lab work, then into the Chemo room for a 90 minute IV that typically requires at least 3 attempts to stick that needle in my vein... but the record currently stands at 10....OUCH

What is real vs. what is true

I never was a hand raiser in class. I was always afraid I was going to misunderstand the question and then look like a dork...thus having no hope for a date for Homecoming or anything else for that matter.

But now that I am older and can boss others around I am going to ask you all to be hand raisers and tell me what you think.

I was thinking about what is real and what is true...I am not going to give any hints so here is your chance to share straight from your gut....
This is officially a DORK FREE ZONE so no holding back now.

Question #1 Physical pain. Is it real....true...both

Question #2 Emotional pain.....real....true....both

Question #3 Will my hair ever grow back on the top.....yes....no....maybe


Looking forward to your response : )

Conversations without talking

Today was a very good day. I am tired after being on the road for several hours but I am glad for the trip and what it did for me.
Thanks for caring...gotta go make dinner....ha ha...just teasing..

Today I had coffee (a very healing legume as it turns out)with a friend I first met when I was 10 years old. We lived next door to each other and I refuse to describe the performances we spent hours choreographing and singing so that we could gather all two of our mothers to sit and watch our fabulous 10 minute show....as far as we knew, we were destined for a life in the performing arts for sure.
Our adventures go beyond our dancing and singing skills but that's going down a rabbit trail that would probably incriminate one or the other of us (just kidding mom and dad).

When we met today, it was as if no time had passed..... I love those friendships. No one takes those years of silence and complete absence from each other's lives personally....it's awesome.

As we sipped our coffee we talked about all kinds of things, then she told me about how she ended up working for her current employer. It might sound boring to someone else but for me it was almost like I was having a conversation with someone else...but this conversation didn't involve any talking.

If you have read my previous blog, I have had a difficult time trying to figure out my place and purpose now that the family dynamic has changed....I have been forcing myself to come up with options...making myself take time to think about it, rolling it around and around....to no avail....I did learn something through this experience though....I learned this was a colossal waste of time.....

You see...all my girlfriend did was live her life and make herself available for this type of thing to happen. The job was delivered to her.

Now I may or may not be looking for work (if you are looking for someone on a very part-time basis....call me)...it may be something entirely different, but once again I am reminded that this life is not in my control....which if you think about it, is so great because God has so many more connections than I do and we all know that it's really all about WHO you know!

So goodie-gumdrops, Laurie gets to sit and wait some more....but I feel better about it now.

Where do I fit in.........

I have spent the last few days pondering a new question...maybe it is more of a thought....no, it's a question. My mind has phrased it in several ways such as.....
What am I supposed to do now? Am I parent or patient? Do my kids even need me around much? What am I accomplishing? Where do I fit?

A lot of things have changed around here and I now I don't know where to park myself anymore.

Monday Monday

For the past few weeks I have had a bit of knee pain...a few pains in my elbow and a little in my hip...all of this a result of trying to do what normal people do on a short family vacation 1. Walk around
2. Drive around
3. Go out to eat

So in an effort to feel better I have tried to lay low-ish....ice my knee...put my feet up, and things are looking better....in fact they are looking good enough that after all this laying around I would kind of like to do "something" today.

"Well then, what's your problem?" you ask...."go do something."

Ahhh, if only it were that simple. If I go somewhere adventurous like the grocery store, or somewhere quiet like the library....I run the risk of the dreaded "flare up". These "flares" also eliminate the stay at home options like laundry, vacuuming, and other cleaning tasks involving toilets.

But there is a glimmer of hope....as of yet I have had no pain in my jaw....making the phone a very tempting option.

Nine Eleven

There is no doubt that cancer is a painful, frightful thing.....but honestly, I can't imagine the pain and fear those in NY felt on that day.

OUCH!

During this "cancer" phase of my life I have tried hard not to complain....that is a very slippery slope leading to nothing but anger, frustration, abandonment, avoidance, fed-up-edness and call screening by all my friends and family.

So on this rare occasion I have to say, "OUCH..MY KNEE HURTS"

If any of you would like to start a vigil, or 3-day walk, or even just a quick prayer on your way to work (eyes open of course) I would be so humbly grateful and vow (*all vows are subject to change without notice) not to complain any more.

Thank you

Parents rejoice

SCHOOL GLORIOUS SCHOOL ! Enough said.

You're not going to believe this one.......

My husband runs a hardware store and lumber yard on Lopez Island and has for the past 10+ years...he loves his job...he is very good at what he does and he is a good man, loved by many on that crazy little island.

Five years ago, his then boss offered him an old car that needed work in lieu of a bonus....his heart jumped in his chest, his eyes popped, his palms began to sweat and a resounding "YES" came from somewhere deep within middle earth and out his mouth.

Since then, father and son have spent the last five years...give or take...painstakingly restoring this car to the last detail....the way it was on the showroom floor...no aftermarket trinkets....no fuzzy dice...no outrageous flames painted on the side...she has a simple beauty about her and that's all she needs....that and copious amounts of fuel.

Well...she had her coming out party a few weeks ago on the island from whence she came....there was much "ooooooooo-ing" and "aaaaaahhhhhhhh-ing" from his former boss.

After a few tears and some pictures for posterity he said, "Grandma would be so proud."

As it turns out....this was her car...when she was done driving she sent it to be stored in her grandson's garage and for many years it sat...oh I am sure they let her out every now and again...the car not the Grandma....but her age was beginning to show....again, the car not the Grandma....

Where did Grandma live? Well funny you should ask.....the answer is, and I quote, "Grandma lived in Pasadena"...........

So there she is....the one owner car, owned by the little old lady from Pasadena...

Beauty lies in the true story doesn't it..........