Thank you

All I can say is Thank You

I found it!

I found my yellow coat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Has anyone seen my yellow coat?

It is pouring rain. Annie, our cat, is laying on the back of the couch looking out the window and our dog Jack is laying on the floor staring at the front door where he waits all day until the kids are home from school. It's so sad but it's so sweet. Upstairs is Pip or Peep or as I like to call him "Stop it!" Stop it is a baby house sparrow that my daughter found yesterday after school. It wasn't able to fly and it was notoriously close to traffic.
Today's Homeschool vocabulary word is "notorious".

no·to·ri·ous (nō-tôr'ē-əs, -tōr'-)
adj. Known widely and usually unfavorably; infamous: a notorious gangster; a district notorious for vice.

Although this has nothing to do with today's blog I thought you would like to hear that the baby bird is fine and we have desperately tried to feed it bird seed and liquefied saltine crackers and even a bit of worm. But he chirps incessantly and what once was a happy sound is now making me crazy.

Speaking of which I am not crazy, although you may again wonder about that after you read today's story. Honestly, I am just calling them as I see them.

About 3 months ago I had another dream. In this dream I was older, about 15 or so. It was evening and it was dark. I was on the beach sitting in the sand criss-cross-applesauce in front of a campfire. I was wearing a yellow coat. I remember that coat. It was cotton and puffy and soft. I loved that coat. I wish....well, anyway, the first thing that really struck me is that I was the only one on the beach. It was dark, and I wasn't afraid. It is very unlike me to be in a situation like that and not be afraid. Actually the truth is for the most part, if it dark and I am alone, no matter where it is, I am pretty much scared to death. So this seemed very odd that I was on the beach alone in the dark by a fire un-afraid in my favorite yellow coat.
Which, while writing the last few sentences, I have decided was the best coat I have owned to date.
My mind was so curious about my non fear factor. Then in my dream I walked around, behind myself and there was Jesus. He was sitting right behind me...again in his Jesus clothes. He was very tall and broad. He had a leg on either side of me and he was leaning against my back though I felt no pressure, and his arms were wrapped around me. We didn't talk but I stood there for a while looking at myself and Jesus on the beach.
I think I should have told him to "ix-nay" the sandals in the sand but I honestly don't think he needs my advice.

I love to go a wandering

Oops...I am a little late posting this but yesterday got in the way. The entire day yesterday was filled top to bottom with the unexpected. Sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes it makes me want to pull on what little hair I have and scream.
But today is going to be different. I promise. Today is going to be organized and productive. Just wait....you'll see that I am right.

So last we spoke I was discussing this dream I had. I need to take you back to a few days earlier. Here is an excerpt from a letter I wrote telling my friend about this experience.

"Then came that awful day. I was on my second medicine and endured 3 months of radiation. I was seeing the Dr. to review the results of a PT scan that would let us know if the medicine was working. The answer was NO. Along with that came the news that my right lung cavity was full of cancer filled fluid from my lymph system and it needed to be drained. The day was long and full of bad news.
I got home late that night and all I wanted was a hot shower and to go to bed and cry. But instead as I stepped into the shower a song popped into my head...a happy song I used to sing at camp when I was 13.."I love to go a wandering along a mountain path, and as I go I love to sing a knapsack on my back."
I stood there wondering why of all things this song came to me. Then a picture popped into my head. A picture of me at age 3 in a red checked dress, holding Jesus' hand. He was still wearing his Jesus clothes and we were walking through a mountain meadow up a small hill. I could only see our backs as we were walking away. Then I felt an incredibly tangible feeling.. how a 3yr old would feel walking hand in hand with her dad...secure, happy, content...then...it was gone."

Ok, so it sounds a little weird but I promise I am not losing my mind, nor am I freaking out or insane. I am just being me.

More on this tomorrow and this time I promise no more horses breaking out of stalls and getting their feet caught in pallets and trying to deal with it all in the pouring rain when I am supposed to be home drinking coffee in my PJ's writing my blog. And a special nod to Geri and Keith and Amanda and Rob for everything they did to help yesterday. I couldn't have done it alone. Yay for friends who have your back and your front and your phone #.

The dream

Ok, just so that you know...it may look like I am freaking out but I am really not freaking out. This blog is all about telling the true story and at times that can be a bit risky...for me...not for you...

Alright...got cancer..blah blah blah..made decisions...blah blah..learning lessons...yada yada...so...you have heard all that. But you know it is kinda weird. A year or so ago I laid down for a bit of a nap. During that blissful moment of first sleep I see something in my mind. I see me. I am about 3 years old...I have a head full of curls..I am wearing a little navy blue dress with short puffed sleeves and a white collar with white bric-a-brac. I was laying on my tummy in a field of grass, propped up on my elbows and there was a big smile on my face. Lying on his tummy facing me was Jesus. No kidding. He was in his Jesus clothes and he had shoulder length brown hair and kind of a biggish nose and he and I began to giggle. I remember he had a nice smile and his teeth were really white even though I don't think he ever used a toothbrush. (Those are the kind of things you think about when you're 3.)
As we smiled and giggled Jesus picks one of those tiny daisies from the grass and he gives it to me and says..."So that I may supply."
He said it loud enough that it actually woke me up. I looked at the clock, thinking I had been asleep for a while but my eyes had only been closed for 5 minutes. So I laid back and thought about what just happened. It was so weird. I was thinking about how happy and safe I felt, how I could smell the grass and how it was cold and a little damp and that a little bit of my hair would blow across my face and I would brush it back. I also thought about Jesus and what he was wearing and the way he looked at me and the sound of his giggle and how he spoke in an incomplete sentence...supply what?
More on this tomorrow

Thank You

I remember when I was a little girl having to write thank you notes to everyone after Christmas and birthdays. I HATED writing thank you notes. I just wanted to play with all my new stuff. My parents never let up as I grew older. "Laurie, have you written those thank you notes yet?" Even yesterday, sitting in the exam room at the Dr.s office my mom says..." You know I hate to bring this up, but have you written those thank you notes to _______?" "Yes, mom. Yes I have. I wrote them a while back."
Will it ever end? I think not.

But on the flip side, I got a thank you note in the mail the other day. I love opening the mail box and finding a card or letter, hand addressed to me. It really doesn't happen much anymore. With e-mail and e-greetings and Facebook it's just too easy to say Thank you or Happy Birthday in 30 seconds or less.

WELL NOT ME. (music rises in the background) FROM THIS DAY FORWARD I VOW TO WRITE MORE THANK YOU NOTES, CARDS, OR EVEN LETTERS (applause builds) I VOW TO TAKE 3 SHORT MINUTES A DAY TO TELL SOMEONE I CARE, OR I AM GRATEFUL OR I HOPE THEY LIVE ANOTHER YEAR ON THIS PLANET. IT WILL BE HARD BUT...

I WILL WRITE! (thunderous applause and a few whistle sounds as music comes to a crescendo) ((Homeschooler's word for the day..crescendo))

Dry and weary

"How many days Lord , have I walked in this wilderness?
A thirsty pilgrim with no water to drink
And this barren place is making me crazy
But in my desperation I am forced to think.

(Ginny Owens)