"Treatment, meet Laurie....Laurie, meet Treatment" Hey there, this should be ok huh? I mean after all you are supposed to be my ticket out of this mess right? Treatment?
The table is hard and my incision still isn't quite healed from where the back half of the vertebrae was removed. Contact!!! Next the mask and the tip of my nose is tweaked a little to the left. Today's visit is supposed to be the shortest one yet so I pick my battles and decided not to pick my nose as one of them. I brought my own music....good decision...my new routine for the next 4 weeks is.....uhhh, not starting. More x-rays, more felt pen, more tape, more film, tape, pen, film...now my CD is over and What is going on here????!!!!
PAIN IN BACK!!! Pain in incision and pain inside where the hope-ish shaped spot was a bit ago.
1.5 hours of holding as still as possible. MAD! Oops not mad...cannot be mad...mad doesn't heal...I find two little red lights on the ceiling and stare at them as I listen to My Eyes Adored You. Kinda creepy...."CAN I GO HOME NOW?" my brain yells very loudly! Treatment....about 5 minutes of actual treatment. That is all I got today.
The car is halfway home and the window is down...air...I feel something...fear? Is it the radiation? Am I just hot? SICK! That's it...I feel SICK!!! Inside out sick.
Home now, sick, mad, tired, mad mad mad. Ok so I am mad...I was supposed to feel better, shrink tumors, get off pain meds, NOT GIVE UP, NOT GIVE UP, NOT GIVE UP...
I really really want to give up.
Another brown bottle from Walgreen's to keep me from running away, because this kind of sick everyday is going to make me want to run. This one is to prevent inside out sick.
Tomorrow I go again...toward the light, health, hope family, faith, healing, humor a 2nd CD and the rustling of a radiation room full of angles...standing room only kind of full...and a bowl for the ride home, which hopefully I will only use to carry the hope-ish shaped spot that I can put back where it belongs very soon.
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