It's 3ish and it hurts. Usually the pain pills I take before I go to sleep cover me through the night but for some reason tonight they haven't done their job quite as well. So do I cry because it hurts, which is what I would like to do, or do I take another pill, which I really don't want to do? I guess I will decide here when I am done.
The first few hours of sleep each night I am finding , are a battle subconsciously. It's very strange the dreams I have in those first few hours. They are always survival.......as if my body needs to remind itself that it is really fighting for it's life each night. Like my brain is saying "just because you watched Extreme Home Makeover' tonight before you went to bed doesn't mean nothings wrong you silly girl. Here let me remind you that this is a battle.....
So the forces of good and evil do their thing in and around me.....then, just like at the hospital when I didn't want to hear the "bad news" being told to me over and over again, I just close my eyes and try to fall asleep as fast as humanly possible.
I think sometimes, that if I listened close enough, I could hear the clanging of swords, and the whoosh of angles wings, but I really don't listen on purpose because I really feel like I might hear it and then what do I do? It should comfort me I would think or would it scare me? I really don't know.
So the battle goes.....I have decided to take another pill and let tomorrow, or this morning, arrive without hurt. That I suppose is something I can do for myself.
Thank you for being in the battle with me.
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