Confusion

This is going to sound uh...ok stupid...but stay with me because I think it will make sense eventually. Sometimes bad news can be good news because, you see, with bad news, at least you have a direction. When you have direction you can take action and feel like you are doing something. If you don't have "answers", good or bad, you just hang there...not able to do anything...and oooo dogie that there is no good.

So I suppose you could say that I was lucky to get bad news low those years ago...(can you believe it has been "years"?) Lucky in the sense that we figured out what was causing all my pain and we could start on the road to healing.

So why am I confused you ask? Or maybe you're not asking...so I am just going to tell you. I am confused due to an experience I recently had that I am not prepared to talk about at this time. I am also confused because two of my dearest friends are going through some experiences that they are not prepared for me to talk about at this time.

So to sum it all up....I am confused for me and I am confused for them and with them, which makes me triply confused. And when you are confused I don't think you should panic...well, ok, yes you panic sometimes...and that's ok....but you don't make decisions while you are confused and panicking...unless of course you are dangling from a cliff after tripping on your shoelace during a fun family hike that you really didn't want to go on at first, and then the guilt you felt for wanting to stay home and take a nap and later get a pedicure began weighing on you so you ultimately decided to go and now look where you are.....hanging off a cliff...then you can have confusion, panic, AND make a decision at the same time.

I hate seeing my friends going through this pain and confusion business, I hate it hate it hate it...but you can't totally wish pain out of people's lives. Pain is what makes us better people. So what I am praying and wishing for them is that the pain and confusion don't last much longer...that answers and relief will come so that I can feel better : ) I mean....Just kidding girls...you know I love you.