Yesterday was hard. I spent the morning driving from Anacortes to the hospital in freezing temperatures...I think we had a high temp of 22*.....(don't think I can't hear all of you saying "22* that's nothing...it was -2* at my house)well, this is my blog and I can be cold at 22* if I want.
My first appointment of the day was with an Orthopedic Surgeon. He was reviewing the myriad of x-rays I had last week to decide whether or not to put pins in my arms and legs...Thankfully he didn't think it was a good idea, but on the not so thankful side was the amount of times he repeated, "Your disease is very advanced." "Look here, it's even in these tiny bones, you don't see that often." "Wow...there is a lot of disease there."
So on top of the burning tongue, radiation fatigue, insurance problems, super dry skin,freezing temperatures and the fact they didn't validate, I sat in the lobby too exhausted to even cry. I began a war with myself. I fought with myself through the rest of the day and into the night. Where does the trust go on super awful days? How do you keep fighting when everything is sucking the life out of you?
By the morning I decided I can't be the one doing the fighting. I need to be the one resting....resting in what I know is true. Oh I will take my crappy medicine, and endure the crappy side effects..because that's all part of it.But I am going to let someone much stronger than me do the fighting.
Now, back to the lobby. As I sat there hunched over and void of energy, super mom took out her cell phone, called the insurance company and within 5 minutes I had my chemo medicine authorized at a cost of $35 a month. Yea super mom. The battle rages on but now it's more affordable...(gotta find a silver lining somewhere!)
Laurie, I am so sorry you had such an awful day, but also awed by your unflagging ability to take joy where you can. I'm praying for you, my friend.
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