Back on the road

I am back on the road again today. This time I am off to see the Radiological Oncologist about treatment for my spine and two of my ribs.

There are a few issues at hand on this trip. First off, will I have time to stop and get a single tall nonfat gingerbread latte with half the flavor before I hit the road? Second, have these spots been radiated before? If they have, then it is my understanding that they can't be radiated a second time. Third, if they have not, then would it be best to use standard radiation as opposed to a more targeted version? If that is the case then another appointment is made at another hospital to see another Dr. who does that. Then the Dr. decides how long the treatment will be and off we go.

On the other hand, if these spots have been treated before it looks like Chemo is next on the list. Dr. Lee and I haven't had a chance to discuss this really...it seems like something else is always coming up.

So another day to be faced and a few more choices to make,
So many times I've sat and wondered how much longer this will take.
Again I will try to focus on the good along the way....and I won't have time to get my coffee if I don't get on with it.....(sorry I didn't have time to rhyme the last line.)

What's in a name?

Beauty lies in the true story. I like that. I believe that. The truth is beautiful.
I find that a lot of people don't like the truth. I know I don't like it when the Dr. tells me the cancer is progressing, or I have to start new unpleasant treatment or my less than great test results came in. It makes life harder....but it also makes life better. When we have truth we can begin to heal. It's real...it's what "is".

I want to live a life that is true. I want to always tell you a truthful story, no matter how many times I am tempted not to. The story has no value without truth.

Sorry I have dropped by again with less humor than normal...but....
"I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An Elephant's word 100%"-Horton the Elephant-

Extra Extra Thanks

I just wanted to add an extra special thanks to my parents...who normally wear a lot more clothes than this but are and have been amazing in coming to my aid night or day....rain or wind...busy or not...they are there.

Thank you mom and dad for your angelic level of being there for me.

The whirlwind

Where am I? What time is it? Is it Friday still? The last few days have been a total whirlwind...hence the picture above. I think it all started last Monday with some muscle spasms in my back. These were not your typical spasm these were the vicious variety....the kind that bite into your muscle and don't let go easily. I had a Dr.'s appointment scheduled that day and was hoping to find relief there.

On the contrary...the pain intensified to the point I was ready to walk out in the middle of my treatment. In addition it took over 3 nurses and 12 "pokes" to get an IV started for me.

Later that night the pain was so bad I woke a friend out of bed to request a ride to the Emergency Room. Those kinds of friends are truly more than friends...they are angles.

In the ER they took an x-ray of my spine and noticed a large compression fracture that was most likely the cause of this pain.
To quell the pain the Dr. prescribed a few things....First came the Ativan to relax the muscle...just a small-ish dose. Then there was the Dilaudid for pain...then a Valium injection and then to top it off, a small-ish dose of Percocet.

Holy COW!!!!!!! I don't remember much after that.

When that didn't help I contacted my favorite, most wonderful Dr. I think I've mentioned him...Dr. Lee. This phone call led to steroids and an MRI scan ASAP.
After the scan was the appointment with said Dr., a injection in my stomach, a CT scan and a chest x-ray...which lead to another appointment with another Dr. to discuss Vascular Spine things, and the realization that there are 3 areas of concern he felt needed radiation treatment....two ribs and a vertebrae. This lead to an appointment with the Radiological Oncologist on Tuesday.....which after the pie tipped over a little in the car brings me to right now.

So with the temporary help of some steroids and pain pills I will push in to next week and see where that takes me.

Maybe tomorrow I will talk about the whole breaking up and then making up with your favorite Dr. Have I mentioned how great he is?
I will also be discussing what the house looked like when I got home after 1 night away. Good thing I still have a few Ativan left.

Fracture

Let me just start out by saying that this is not an x-ray of my spine. It looks very painful I must say. However, I did find out two days ago that I do have a fracture in my spine. A compression fracture and it is not pleasant. It has been very very unpleasant actually.

Today I am going to have a MRI done of my spine. This may lead to other treatment.
I really wish I could come up with something "witty" to say...but for the most part I am just happy to be able to walk to my kitchen, make some coffee, sit at my computer and write to you. Really, I really am grateful for that.

Quit your spasm

Overtaken by back spasms today. The kind where you need medical intervention upon which I am waiting.

See you tomorrow.

Flares

When I came across this picture I noticed the arrow pointing to the earth. It was so tiny. And then I thought about me somewhere on that little dot. WOW! Perspective...then I thought about Cindy-Lou Who, which was pretty random, and then I thought about an ant, and finally I thought about how off-track I was getting with my subject.

In the last two weeks I have been experiencing "flares". Flares happen when you have metastatic breast cancer and you start taking hormone blocker medication. The reason you take this medicine is that most breast cancers feed on estrogen and the goal is to cut off their food supply.
Tamoxafin is an example of a hormone blocker. I am not taking tamoxafin, but I am taking Faslodex which is also a hormone blocker.
Faslodex is a bit different in that it is an injection that is given in your hip....actually both hips. "It is thick and there is a lot of it" said the nurse who was injecting me last time. I am so glad she shared that very disconcerting information with me while my pants were down.

Flares can be scary. They often cause a great deal of pain. That is what I have been experiencing in the last two weeks. Pains that makes you lie in bed in the dark of night and imagine the worst case scenario.
Then as soon as I finished compiling my list of songs I wanted played at my memorial service, the pain was gone. Then two days later it was back...hence the "flare" reference. It actually flares....repeatedly..in the places where there is active cancer.
The reason for the flare is the medicine initially acts AS an estrogen and the tumors gobble it up which really makes those cancer cells active. Then the medicine changes into an anti-estrogen and grabs the throat of the cancer cell and chokes it off....we hope...if it's doing it's job.

And now I am kinda glad that I ran across this picture this morning. Cancer looks really different now with this new perspective. A pretty powerful picture if you ask me.