Thankful

I believe that no matter what your circumstances are, there is always something to be thankful for. Find what you are thankful for today and remember those things the rest of the year.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Never say Never Revised

"Never say never" is often times a great thing to say. It can be a good reminder that there is always hope. But in this case I am talking about the "Never Never Land"
where I currently reside. And I call it that because I never never
thought I would be in this place. Alone is one aspect...alone with kids is another..alone with kids and battling cancer is a whole different land. But today the land became a bit stranger. This morning my daughter received school behavioral discipline. In all of her years this has never happened.

But the good news is I have decided to call Peter Pan moving company and move out of Never Never Land to Chicken Littleville. They say the sky is falling there, but it really isn't so there is much less to be concerned about...then I will move to Hansel and Gretel's place for the holidays and then with a click of my heals I will be home again.....this time home will be a better place...I hope...I think it will...baby Jesus will be there then and things are always good when He is there.

Spine

I have developed a sensitive area on my spine. It is near where they did surgery over two years ago. Although I can't see my back, I can feel a significant bump there.

It has been really hard for me not to think about this....day and night....night and day...

Looking forward to an answer from the Dr. this week.

It's a hard climb

So I am not yet sure how I am going to put this blog together so bare with me if possible.
It is and has been my goal to face my diagnosis, my circumstances, my life, with a good attitude. In the last 5 or so months, that has become more of a challenge as my treatment and my daily life, and my kids lives have changed a great deal.

Initially, the attitude hill was steep but I could usually "hoof it" to the top and come up with a smile. Lately it's less of a "hoof" and more of a carabiner, harness, ascender, crampons, belay kind of a climb. "Hoofing" no longer applies unless you would like to hoof someone in the head if they cause your day to be more difficult than it already is. But that is not right so forget I said that. They have no idea how much your life sucks right now! OK, forget I said that too. That was not good. That isn't going to help anyone.

See, it's still early yet and I am only about 2/3 of the way up my rock slab of life today. I'll get there.

So if you are struggling, go slip on your crampons. Crampons, I said crampons...and I will try to help pull you up.

Windy

It was really windy last night. If you live anywhere north, south, east, or west of Seattle then you know what I mean. Do you have a wind story from last night? And if you live south of Seattle, you may even have an earthquake story as well.

Here is my wind story.....I slept. Now wait a minute, it is so a story. It's a story because I am usually scared to death of wind. Wind has a mind of it's own...kinda. So as it was the first windstorm I had to go through "alone", I had to somehow make friends with the wind in order to relax.

So what is good about the wind...well, it dries things out if they need drying, it scatters all sorts of seeds to bloom in the spring...it proliferates
forests.

pro·lif·er·ate   /prəˈlɪfəˌreɪt/
[pruh-lif-uh-reyt]

–verb (used without object), verb (used with object), -at·ed, -at·ing.
1. to grow or produce by multiplication of parts, as in budding or cell division, or by procreation.
2. to increase in number or spread rapidly and often excessively.

Homeschoolers, please use proliferate in a sentence. then you can go ask your mom what procreation means.

The other reason wind is good, is that it's a good reminder that we really don't have any control...that what happens on a day to day basis is not really up to us...if you really think about it...could you have stopped the wind last night? If you just answered "yes" to that question, please contact your local meteorologist so they can pass this information on to the world at large in order to stop tornadoes and hurricanes and the like...your knowledge would be greatly appreciated I am sure.
If not, like for me, it is a good reminder that our lives are not under our control.

Ok, never mind what I just said...I probably just slept because I hadn't slept well for the past few nights and I was exhauseted. Even still it would be a good idea to make friends with the one who tells the wind when and where to blow.

Sleepless

When you take the estrogen out of a woman's body there are many side effects. One of those is the inability to sleep.
I have been struggling with sleep for the past 5 months. I could break it all down for you and list each reason, or I could just say I haven't slept well due to my life. There that about covers it.

A new reason popped into my life last Friday night. I am taking a new medicine and during the initial course they must double the dose for the first few treatments so as to fool your liver. Friday afternoon I received my second round of the medication. The plan seemed to be on course until I feel asleep Friday night.

I had only been asleep a few minutes when I woke to horrible pain in my right leg. Every muscle from hip to foot was seized. Nothing, and I repeat nothing short of amputation appeared to help. It was at this moment that I fully regreted purchasing the ticking clock in my bedroom. Although it fits in well with the design of the room, it only served to remind me of every second I was in pain and unable to sleep.

There are many many many other reasons sleep escapes me...sadness creeps in at night, sadness for the kids and what they face each day. Weariness for me as I try to fight the cancer and it's effects, be both mom and as much of a dad as I can, especially for my son who lost his buddy. Be some sort of balance to Emily who's world shifted and therefore her attitude and vocabulary shifted.

All that to say "I NEED TO SLEEP". So if you will excuse me, I am going to take off my wig, slip my sleep cap back on, warm up the microwaveable heart I bought at Hallmark last Valentine's day (which by the way is very cute and functional), and try to find another hour of sleep.

Good day everyone.

You have to be nuts...

WARNING
THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN IN A FACILITY THAT ALSO CONTAINS PEANUTS AND OTHER TREE NUTS AND NUTS THAT ARE NOT REALLY NUTS BUT PEOPLE THAT ACT LIKE NUTS.
CONSUMERS: PLEASE READ THIS STATEMENT CAREFULLY.

Yesterday I had an appointment with a Nutritionist, which is a part of the new Dr's treatment plan. I have never had an appointment with a Nutritionist before so I had no idea what to expect.
While making my appointment with her, she explained that her office was located inside the hospital. As you may assume this caused my confidence in her to skyrocket.

After locating her office she invited me in. The office was dark but for one light hanging over the table...it felt a little like my eating habits were about to be interrogated.......and they were. While she shot question after question I began to wonder if I should confess to eating those two small dark chocolate Bliss squares before I left the house? Oooooohhhhh the guilt!

Upon questioning me she came to the conclusion that I was and am PROTEIN DEFICIENT.
With diagnosis in hand she began to explain to me that I am in need of 60grams of protein a day....how ever I can get it.

The next few minutes were filled with food and numbers. I knew I was never going to remember all of this when suddenly she pulled out a piece of paper that had everything written down, tailored to my need for protein.

Step 1: For breakfast...1 latte- 14 grams
1 piece of toast w/ 2T peanut butter- 7grams
I realized that with 2 TABLESPOONS of peanut butter on one slice of toast I was going to need the latte close at hand so as not to choke to death while trying not to succumb to protein deficiency.

I am trying to look forward to my new life of cottage cheese and Greek yogurt but if protein is going to help my body repair itself, then cottage cheese it is!

P.S. I know what you're thinking but all those Reeses peanut butter cups you just ate after Halloween don't count!